On Sunday, all happy souls on Earth were celebrating the presence of GOD’s Greatest gift in their life; their mothers. And there was I, fighting immense numbness spread to the innermost point of my nerves. Two days back, my family lost its Mother, my ‘Granny’─ my ‘Amma’. She passed away silently leaving everyone in a state of disbelief. After a long period of seeing her like this (ailing), it’s difficult to swallow, her, just not being there.
Has she really gone? I am still not able to make peace with it. To assure myself, I thought of going to her room, in a hope to still see her sitting in her bent posture. I hoped as soon I would open the door, she would raise her head and I would hug her. But I was afraid. Afraid… to see a vacant room. So, I stayed far and chose to go blind on the truth.
This day was sure to come, sooner or later but the way I responded, was bizarre. I consider myself very emotional kind of person but on hearing about her demise, I could hardly cry…I wanted to but tears won’t come out of my eyes. This is scary. Why am I not able to cry aloud? Have I gone through some nervous damage or have I become a robot with no emotions left. I am totally numb, as if nothing of this sort has happened! But truth is, Granny is Gone and I am never going to see her again.
My parents say that soul is immortal and only her body has died. They believe that Amma is still around; she is watching us all through, at least for ten days after leaving the body, her soul will keep wandering around her family and belongings till all the rituals are done to make her after-life journey as comfortable as possible. Then all her past ties will break and she will be free to leave us, for good.
I don’t know, how true is that but while leaving home, I felt a strange emptiness inside as if I have forgotten something. Making a decision to face the reality, I removed my shoes and headed to her room. Gently pushing the door, I searched the entire room. A lamp is lit in the room in her memory and is well guarded and taken care of by her grandsons; my brothers. They never let it go off. Believing she is still there and there won’t be any next time, I said, “Amma! (If you are really somewhere, in here) I could not meet you in the end. I guess it’s time to say Goodbye now. Be at peace. I pray to GOD for showering his love on you and give you a perfect place in his abode. Have a peaceful Journey.
Fare well…Amma…Fare well.