People said, “Marriage at appropriate age is important, especially for a girl. “ Well, I got married at 27. Now was it appropriate or not, I am clueless? Then they said, “Motherhood completes a woman”, I became a mother too at 30, and thoroughly enjoyed motherhood to satiation. And suddenly, I hear a new thing, “It takes two kids to complete a Family!” And Now, I am like r.e.a.l.l.y. confused!
Dilemma 1: Marry Now Or Not?
Being a dreamer, I always wanted to reach a point in life where I am satisfied to the extent that I no longer wanted to pursue things. But,as the road ahead was foggy, having a companion looked like the best option. Idea of walking hand in hand to explore opportunities seemed nice and honestly, the journey has been awesome so far. I married because I wanted to, and because I met someone worth spending rest of my life with.
Dilemma 2: Baby Now or Not?
When I got married, motherhood was nowhere in picture, not at least mine. I wasn’t against making babies, never! They are cute! It is just that it was never my priority, and I don’t think one should jump into a role he/she gives least importance to or have little interest in and we are talking about mothering here! So, needless to say, it took a great deal of conditioning, understanding, and time, to prepare myself to be a mother!
Dilemma 3: Prepared well or Not?
And when I felt the affirmation inside, I decided to be the best possible version of mine. I wanted to experience and treasure each and every moment and movement of this journey. And God knows I did it to the best of my caliber. I prepared myself to be capable enough to take care of a precious life that was growing inside me. I was tuning myself enough to stay up late nights, without accidental naps…To hear all the ear bursting cries without a crease on my forehead…To change the nappies without shrinking my nose. I was preparing… for all the things which people say are hard about first time parenting.
I was confident thanks to the parenting books; they relieved me of many doubts. But one scenario that I never considered actually happened to me. The C-section; it baffled me and my family! I was the trailblazer here as well. No one had prior exposure to such pregnancy.
Dilemma 4: Good Mom or not?
Little knowledge is a dangerous thing. And we did a few blunders in the learning process! But the mental conditioning before and during pregnancy helped me retain my cool. I learned to listen to my body and it worked out fine. When I looked at my baby for first time, I promised myself (semiconscious) to always be there for her, to take care of her no matter how hard I have to try.
Suddenly, everything else became secondary. Yes… my priority changed! And all the dreams and ambitions took back seat at least at that period of time. I completely indulged myself in her care for some months. I cherished every little gesture of this tiny toe. Motherhood completes a Woman or not I can’t say but it definitely gives her a chance to live afresh…from the start. It also makes her understand and value her own mother and her love.
Dilemma 5: Mom Again or not?
First child is special. Everything is new and exciting. When Snow came to my life, I knew she is a bridge between me and Mr Coolhead; She’ll always keep us connected and undoubtedly, she does. Now at this time point, I am like really confused.
Isn’t she enough for the two of us?
Is the old age FOMO real?
Should I be fearing to live a dusk of loneliness?
Would my age and loneliness become a burden for Snow?
Would she understand if I decide not to give her a sibling?
Would I be charged guilty for an action that I never undertook?
Would I regret my decision of having single child?
Would I?? Would I????
There are zillion such questions, answers to which lie in oblivion and I also know that no one can answer these questions for me but I, myself!